Fibromyalgia ... Yes it's real.

Who is this person I have become? Depressed, cynical and a downer Slow, unfriendly and ho-hum It's me, the ultimate frowner Fibomyalgia, HS and migraine Satan in my skin wrapper To me he dishes out pain The ultimate kidnapper Fibro fog, boils, poker in the eye You want me to be normal? I feel like giving up, I can't deny Forgive me if I'm informal Rocking back and forth, silent tears I'm not a hypochondriac I've been feeling it for years Now I'm an insomniac My old life has been taken from me Against my will I started anew Daily I prayed and took a knee I'm finding it hard to follow through I have now become the great pretender Faking each day "look I'm fine" When you aren't looking I surrender Always grasping for a lifeline I should take joy in other's bounty Of course I know what's right Complete jealousy confounds me Sunny days have become night There are many ways to be sick And many more to ...

It's been a crazy month or so. My daughter's dog got out and was hit by a car. The person took him to the cemetery and laid him under a tree. She received a call a day or so later on where to find him. My husband and I picked him up and brought him home. I then went with my daughter to the vet. We took his body to be cremated. That was on a Monday. The next Monday I had to take my own dog to the same vet to be put to sleep. My little Peanut was 16 1/2 years old and her little body just couldn't take it anymore. I should get her ashes back today. I filed for disability at the beginning of May. I was scheduled for physical and mental exams. I had my physical exam last week. The doctor seemed very kind. I go for my mental exam toward the end of this month.  I kind of wish it was sooner. I feel like I could really use a pro opinion on my mental status right now. I was depressed before, but now...it's off the charts.  I wanted to blog about it a week ago, I just couldn...

I've always tried to live by the code "Do things for others without expecting anything in return". As a general rule, I've done pretty well by it. I give and it fills my heart with joy. Whether it is a hand made gift, donation, random call or text when I hadn't heard for someone to make sure they were okay, or even throw showers and parties when my pocketbook was empty.  I enjoy giving and helping others. Now I know, not everyone is the same, and it is silly to think everyone thinks the same way I do, but I have hit a barrier I'm not quite sure what to do with. I have had Fibromyalgia, Hidranitis Supporativa, and chronic migraines for about eight years now. During this time, I have continued my code and even done more than before for others. I can not tell you how much time, effort, and money my husband and I have spent doing for others, even when I felt horrible and could barely get out of bed. The past few years have started to really wear on me and my cod...

One holiday down, Thanksgiving, and the holiday season is off to a start. The time of year when we use the most spoons. You can't go to the store and get more, you just have to keep the ones you have and reuse them daily.  I used to have a reserve set. You know, when you dig deep in the drawer and there are just enough or even a few to spare, maybe for dessert or an unexpected dish after you have thrown the other spoons into the dishwater. Maybe for that midnight piece of cheesecake your significant other put away just for you. Now, I am forced to use only the fine silver. The kind you guard like they are made of pure gold! Each one is reserved for only the most special delicacies. But what about those surprises listed above? They still show up, and I have run out of silver polish! All of the local stores are out and Amazon is offline. No one knows when they will come back online. So I am stuck. I have no spoons for days...maybe even weeks. This doesn't stop the holidays from...

Another outbreak, another flare What am I to do? How many times must I say I can't come see you. I've said it once Even said it twice Why do you not hear? I've made it plain and simple I've made it quite clear. I have Chronic Illness' Hidranitis Suppurlativa, Migraines  Fibromyalgia, too Come see for your own witness It's not a slight to you. No, I will not ask for help Or beg you to help with my duties I'd rather suffer in silence Than ask for a handful of groupies I didn't wish or ask for this curse Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy Yes, I've read the Book of Job It only works so much for therapy. No, I'm not mad at you I live a tricky existence Boils, headaches and flu like pain Praying for my body's resistance. Sometimes I don't answer your text or call All I want to do is complain You'd get tired of hearing it all I get tired of trying to explain. I h...

I tremble at the thought of another storm I wonder if it will be fierce and quick Never see the direction it is from Or a slow, steady, continuous drip Each way can ruin the nourished land With a peculiar way to strike One most silent and the other grand Trying to overtake the dike The clouds open in hatred and fury Boisterous, malevolent, cutting with spite The land stands and takes it bravely For it is ... it's birthright! The monotonous drizzle does the same But it is shrewd and calculating Some would say "it's just a little rain" No doubt the best at manipulating You can use your lightning torch And your subtle swooning waves This tough layer you can't scorch Or even begin to scathe! I will stand watch and prepare for both My plans you can not foil To myself a solemn, ardent oath You won't erode my soil  ~Tina McNeill