Fibromyalgia ... Yes it's real.

Who is this person I have become? Depressed, cynical and a downer Slow, unfriendly and ho-hum It's me, the ultimate frowner Fibomyalgia, HS and migraine Satan in my skin wrapper To me he dishes out pain The ultimate kidnapper Fibro fog, boils, poker in the eye You want me to be normal? I feel like giving up, I can't deny Forgive me if I'm informal Rocking back and forth, silent tears I'm not a hypochondriac I've been feeling it for years Now I'm an insomniac My old life has been taken from me Against my will I started anew Daily I prayed and took a knee I'm finding it hard to follow through I have now become the great pretender Faking each day "look I'm fine" When you aren't looking I surrender Always grasping for a lifeline I should take joy in other's bounty Of course I know what's right Complete jealousy confounds me Sunny days have become night There are many ways to be sick And many more to ...

Another outbreak, another flare What am I to do? How many times must I say I can't come see you. I've said it once Even said it twice Why do you not hear? I've made it plain and simple I've made it quite clear. I have Chronic Illness' Hidranitis Suppurlativa, Migraines  Fibromyalgia, too Come see for your own witness It's not a slight to you. No, I will not ask for help Or beg you to help with my duties I'd rather suffer in silence Than ask for a handful of groupies I didn't wish or ask for this curse Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy Yes, I've read the Book of Job It only works so much for therapy. No, I'm not mad at you I live a tricky existence Boils, headaches and flu like pain Praying for my body's resistance. Sometimes I don't answer your text or call All I want to do is complain You'd get tired of hearing it all I get tired of trying to explain. I h...

I tremble at the thought of another storm I wonder if it will be fierce and quick Never see the direction it is from Or a slow, steady, continuous drip Each way can ruin the nourished land With a peculiar way to strike One most silent and the other grand Trying to overtake the dike The clouds open in hatred and fury Boisterous, malevolent, cutting with spite The land stands and takes it bravely For it is ... it's birthright! The monotonous drizzle does the same But it is shrewd and calculating Some would say "it's just a little rain" No doubt the best at manipulating You can use your lightning torch And your subtle swooning waves This tough layer you can't scorch Or even begin to scathe! I will stand watch and prepare for both My plans you can not foil To myself a solemn, ardent oath You won't erode my soil  ~Tina McNeill

She explored the four chambers Sluggish, dark, grasping for the light So many roads to choose One main outlet Traveling through the entwined maze of paths She knows she will never travel Could this be the final destination? Look at the brook Starting out as a tiny stream But flowing into the waves of despair Two outlets They both seem the same The foggy windshield with no wipers The dampness is unbearable Turning from ice cold to red lava The spark of a newly lit cigarette The well is dry The electricity moves from fingertips to head Searching Searching Searching Only but one drop to ignite the Firestorm of contentiousness One spark to light up the path Following the heavy feet Grasping for the truth Beware.  The lava has no obstacles It incinerates everything in it's path The red glow moves with ease Quickly filling each void it encounters Riding the wave Sparks of energy here and over there With each bur...

Bright ideas course through the mind Excitement starts taking control I briefly forgot I’ve been redefined Sucked into a black hole Thoughts of joy come through in tiny pieces The laughter strikes a chord As my anxiety and panic slowly increases It’s more than my brain can afford The energy to do a common chore Seems like not such a big deal But when the body hurts to the core The pain becomes extremely real Can’t take time to smell the roses Or go for a nice long walk It’s not what my broken body proposes Even though we’ve had a serious talk The big green monster raises his head It’s not fair you have a cure I’m not sure if the research is dead Don’t know how much I can endure Folks say it will all be okay You’ll get through all this and see They don’t know it’s not just today The pain just won’t let me be The internal voices in your head Though I'm aware what you think Sure, aloud that’s not what you said But it's there like permanent ink Your raised eyebrow and judging to...

It's been a while since I posted. Much has happened.  I have a new Grandson! He is perfect of course! I've been watching him for the past 10 months and finally had to stop.  You see, he started crawling.  The constant bend over and 20 lb. weight ... I bet you get the picture. It was so hard to make the decision I couldn't babysit him anymore.  I had also been watching his 6 year old sister.  I had to tell my daughter, "You are going to have to find daycare." To some this may not be a big deal, but to our family, it was agonizing.  I have such guilt. I'm only 47 years old. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to handle two of the biggest joys of my life. Oh wait, yes there is. Fibromyalgia (FMS).  Not only would I not be able to care for my grand babies, but my daughter and son-in-law will have to leave their children in an unfamiliar place, and pay thousands of dollars to do so.    My husband and I are also in the process of buying a ho...