Fibromyalgia ... Yes it's real.

Bright ideas course through the mind Excitement starts taking control I briefly forgot I’ve been redefined Sucked into a black hole Thoughts of joy come through in tiny pieces The laughter strikes a chord As my anxiety and panic slowly increases It’s more than my brain can afford The energy to do a common chore Seems like not such a big deal But when the body hurts to the core The pain becomes extremely real Can’t take time to smell the roses Or go for a nice long walk It’s not what my broken body proposes Even though we’ve had a serious talk The big green monster raises his head It’s not fair you have a cure I’m not sure if the research is dead Don’t know how much I can endure Folks say it will all be okay You’ll get through all this and see They don’t know it’s not just today The pain just won’t let me be The internal voices in your head Though I'm aware what you think Sure, aloud that’s not what you said But it's there like permanent ink Your raised eyebrow and judging to...

It's been a while since I posted. Much has happened.  I have a new Grandson! He is perfect of course! I've been watching him for the past 10 months and finally had to stop.  You see, he started crawling.  The constant bend over and 20 lb. weight ... I bet you get the picture. It was so hard to make the decision I couldn't babysit him anymore.  I had also been watching his 6 year old sister.  I had to tell my daughter, "You are going to have to find daycare." To some this may not be a big deal, but to our family, it was agonizing.  I have such guilt. I'm only 47 years old. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to handle two of the biggest joys of my life. Oh wait, yes there is. Fibromyalgia (FMS).  Not only would I not be able to care for my grand babies, but my daughter and son-in-law will have to leave their children in an unfamiliar place, and pay thousands of dollars to do so.    My husband and I are also in the process of buying a ho...

I am at my wits end. FMS has been taking small pieces of me away for 3 years. My vibrance, my energy, my muscle mass, my curved figure, my love for life, my life outside the home, my sanity, and now ... intimate moments with my husband.  Sexual activity, even when it would hurt the joints and muscles, was still better than no sex.  My husband has been my rock through thick and thin for the past 16 years.  He has always been there to catch me when I fall, wipe away the tears and give me encouragement when I think I just can't live another day with this demon called Fibromyalgia. Sex is the one thing that makes me feel like a woman.  Now part of that may be over for me. The combination of FMS, the drugs I take for FMS and CFS and depression has now caused me to not be able to achieve orgasm.  I pray my husband will love me regardless of what happens to me. I am scared he will run across a woman like I used to be. The woman he first fell in love with. As if I did...

I know it's been a while since I've posted.  I've been on Cymbalta for a while now. It did a pretty good job until my body decided to have a major flare! My back, neck and hips hurt pretty bad. I've learned to deal with the pain the best I can. But about a month ago, my arms started hurting so bad.  I haven't been able to do much. I started crocheting about a year ago and it has helped me sit and relax. The past week I haven't even been able to do that.  As soon as I lay down at night, my arms go numb and hurt even worse.  I went back to the doctor. I am now on Lyrica AND Cymbalta.  I also take cholesterol meds and migraine meds.  I'm starting to feel like a junkie. Should that many drugs make you feel good?  I guess it is still less than the amount of Tylenol and Advil I used to take (it didn't work).  I am also taking a sleep aid. It's not working half the time. Here it is 5:22 in the morning and I have laid down twice to sleep.  I stayed t...

Well, I went back to the doc last week. Since I started taking the Lyrica, I've gained close to 20 lbs. I was still having the occasional pain that keeps me down. I've been trying to do things to drop the weight, but alas, the fibro takes over. Add in some shin splints and you get the picture. Doc decided to ween me off the Lyrica and try Cymbalta. I could tell a difference in only 2 days. I feel like my spirit is returning! It's been a long time since I felt up to par, so I am excited to see where this leads. The first 3 days I felt really tired, but the pain started to diminish. I napped and went to bed early on those days. I'm trying to keep a decent schedule (It's very hard right now, my beloved OKC Thunder is in the 2nd round of the playoffs.) I've been able to play with my puppy outside a few times and day and actually stand long enough to cook dinner twice this week. I have really high hopes. I have twinges in my shoulders and hip every once in a whil...

This blog is a personal journal on my journey with fibromyalgia . I am not a doctor or a specialist when it comes to this topic, just a person who suffers daily with the mystery of this disease.  I have read many doctors, professionals and just all around critics do not believe it is a real disease, but from my personal experience, it is real. There are many articles on fibromyalgia , but I haven't found a great support group that completely understands the pain associated with it. Here is a history of my pain and how I came about to me diagnosed with it: The day the tsunami hit Japan in early 2011, I was riding my stationary bike and pumping 3 lb weights as I watched the coverage. I felt the normal burn, as this was not the first time I had done this. I felt a little sore the rest of the day and didn't think much of it.  I went to bed that night and was awaken by a pop in my shoulder. The pain was extreme enough for me to yell out and wake my husband up. I laid in bed for...