Fibromyalgia ... Yes it's real.

She explored the four chambers Sluggish, dark, grasping for the light So many roads to choose One main outlet Traveling through the entwined maze of paths She knows she will never travel Could this be the final destination? Look at the brook Starting out as a tiny stream But flowing into the waves of despair Two outlets They both seem the same The foggy windshield with no wipers The dampness is unbearable Turning from ice cold to red lava The spark of a newly lit cigarette The well is dry The electricity moves from fingertips to head Searching Searching Searching Only but one drop to ignite the Firestorm of contentiousness One spark to light up the path Following the heavy feet Grasping for the truth Beware.  The lava has no obstacles It incinerates everything in it's path The red glow moves with ease Quickly filling each void it encounters Riding the wave Sparks of energy here and over there With each bur...

Some of you may know I live in Oklahoma. The weather is crazy, but it's one of the things I love about it. It's easy to be an armchair storm chaser here with the live coverage of deadly tornadoes. As the season approaches, so does the ugly Hidradenitis Suppu rativa (HS) The weather has gone from cold to hot as Hades in the span of two days! I took a couple of hours last Saturday to hop on the riding lawn mower and mow the backyard. Picked up a little trash here and there. I painted an old dresser I had. By 2:00pm I was done! Exhausted, but done.  I had only sweat a little, I took plenty of breaks in between and a good long shower afterwards. The next morning reality set in. I could barely move and my arm had kept me up most of the night. I was grateful for the numbness that occurred off and on for a reprieve from the pain. I started feeling the dreadful symptoms of boils forming. I knew this would happen. It always does. Here I am on a Tuesday morning, laid up with multiple...

It's been a REALLY rough couple of months. I need to have some sort of release...so here it is. I have Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS).  I have had it for the past 7 years. I also have chronic migraines. Let's add to the list, Hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), a skin disease, basically large boils in parts of the body that are mostly hidden.  I would like to also add, due to these illnesses, I suffer from depression.  I didn't ask for these burdens. I have battled with them for years and years. The older I get, (I'm 48), the worse my health gets. I get it, I'm no spring chicken anymore. I have changed from an extreme extrovert to almost a recluse. I have lost all of my friends, other than the usually following on Facebook. I don't see family as much as I used to.  This isn't because I have cut everyone off, it's because others are able to continue living their lives, while mine, basically stands still. I wake up each morning with a new outlook. Not your typ...

Bright ideas course through the mind Excitement starts taking control I briefly forgot I’ve been redefined Sucked into a black hole Thoughts of joy come through in tiny pieces The laughter strikes a chord As my anxiety and panic slowly increases It’s more than my brain can afford The energy to do a common chore Seems like not such a big deal But when the body hurts to the core The pain becomes extremely real Can’t take time to smell the roses Or go for a nice long walk It’s not what my broken body proposes Even though we’ve had a serious talk The big green monster raises his head It’s not fair you have a cure I’m not sure if the research is dead Don’t know how much I can endure Folks say it will all be okay You’ll get through all this and see They don’t know it’s not just today The pain just won’t let me be The internal voices in your head Though I'm aware what you think Sure, aloud that’s not what you said But it's there like permanent ink Your raised eyebrow and judging to...

It's been a while since I posted. Much has happened.  I have a new Grandson! He is perfect of course! I've been watching him for the past 10 months and finally had to stop.  You see, he started crawling.  The constant bend over and 20 lb. weight ... I bet you get the picture. It was so hard to make the decision I couldn't babysit him anymore.  I had also been watching his 6 year old sister.  I had to tell my daughter, "You are going to have to find daycare." To some this may not be a big deal, but to our family, it was agonizing.  I have such guilt. I'm only 47 years old. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to handle two of the biggest joys of my life. Oh wait, yes there is. Fibromyalgia (FMS).  Not only would I not be able to care for my grand babies, but my daughter and son-in-law will have to leave their children in an unfamiliar place, and pay thousands of dollars to do so.    My husband and I are also in the process of buying a ho...

I am at my wits end. FMS has been taking small pieces of me away for 3 years. My vibrance, my energy, my muscle mass, my curved figure, my love for life, my life outside the home, my sanity, and now ... intimate moments with my husband.  Sexual activity, even when it would hurt the joints and muscles, was still better than no sex.  My husband has been my rock through thick and thin for the past 16 years.  He has always been there to catch me when I fall, wipe away the tears and give me encouragement when I think I just can't live another day with this demon called Fibromyalgia. Sex is the one thing that makes me feel like a woman.  Now part of that may be over for me. The combination of FMS, the drugs I take for FMS and CFS and depression has now caused me to not be able to achieve orgasm.  I pray my husband will love me regardless of what happens to me. I am scared he will run across a woman like I used to be. The woman he first fell in love with. As if I did...

I know it's been a while since I've posted.  I've been on Cymbalta for a while now. It did a pretty good job until my body decided to have a major flare! My back, neck and hips hurt pretty bad. I've learned to deal with the pain the best I can. But about a month ago, my arms started hurting so bad.  I haven't been able to do much. I started crocheting about a year ago and it has helped me sit and relax. The past week I haven't even been able to do that.  As soon as I lay down at night, my arms go numb and hurt even worse.  I went back to the doctor. I am now on Lyrica AND Cymbalta.  I also take cholesterol meds and migraine meds.  I'm starting to feel like a junkie. Should that many drugs make you feel good?  I guess it is still less than the amount of Tylenol and Advil I used to take (it didn't work).  I am also taking a sleep aid. It's not working half the time. Here it is 5:22 in the morning and I have laid down twice to sleep.  I stayed t...